I’m now behind on homework by a week or so. I’m tired, so so tired, and I have so much I want and need to do. I missed yesterday’s check-in. I stayed up late partying to Taylor Swift on Saturday, and then I had church in the morning. I didn’t do much of anything yesterday after church. I took a nap, because all I want to do anymore is sleep, and I watched a few Disney movies with Fletcher while Keston played video games with his online friends. 

The Taylor Swift party was a blast. The ladies of my mom’s family were there, her sisters and almost all of my female cousins. We partied hard for three and a half hours, belting the songs we knew and listening to all the lore and drama behind the songs from my two cousins who were big enough Swifties they made it to a live concert of the tour. I learned which songs were actually on which albums, because I’ve never really paid that much attention to the albums themselves. I wore a cute outfit that I wouldn’t normally wear, ignoring my stretch marks and muffin of a stomach and letting myself feel young and free for an evening. Well, many of us could not escape the effects of having babies, but we partied on anyway. 

Even Grandma shook it off for the last couple songs. 

I’m only halfway through my word count goal (444 words) and I’m not entirely sure what else to write about. I’m exhausted, and not for lack of sleep. Depression is stupid and I don’t know what to do about it. My house is manageable again. My homework isn’t all that difficult. I don’t know exactly what to eat for most meals, we don’t have much right now but we do have some food. 

Finances are a mess but that’s the economy right now. I keep telling myself one more month, one more month and it will get better, one more month and that debt will be paid off and we’ll have a little extra, one more month and then we can breath again, but alas… It hasn’t gotten better yet. If anything it has gotten worse. Maybe next month will be better. 

Maybe next month I’ll feel like I can function again. Maybe next month I’ll feel like I can write again, beyond these little journal entries. 

Maybe next month will be better.